I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize