mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
