why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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