And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
