Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
