DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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