i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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