White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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