im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
