I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have post one night stand depression
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