youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
