I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
