highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
