I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
