the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
