nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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