Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize