I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I party with great urgency now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
