I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
