Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
