Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
