got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm both gender and math confused
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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