When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
