Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
