I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm too high and old for this...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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