Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize