I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
