I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
