it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
