i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I AM VODKA MAN
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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