I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I touched a dick in church today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
