im gay
i know
yea but for you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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