she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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