having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
