So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
