Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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