We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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