I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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