Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
