I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
