She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My ass is underappreciated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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