and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
