i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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