His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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