some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
