Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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