maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
