There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
