He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
