Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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