what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
