ya dads aren't the best wingmen
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
