Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize