I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
