Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
