Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
