Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
