The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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