He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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