Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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