I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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