my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She bit a glass in half.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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