Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
