I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
