they need to just BURY HIM!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
