I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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