the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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