I'm really into asian looking animals
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
