Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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