Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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