I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
