one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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