I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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