no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
