You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
