Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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